mmppt:

AHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

See What Happens When a Normal Guy Dares to Dress Like Harry Styles
Maybe “normal” is generous.

By Frank Kobola and Charles Manning

I don’t know much about One Direction. I know they are a boy band from England. I only know the full name of one band member: Harry Styles. I know he dresses in the same androgynous, rock-star chic clothing Mick Jagger and David Bowie were huge fans of. I know, in my heart, that there is no way any of that shit was comfortable. For some reason, Cosmopolitan.com fashion editor Charles Manning challenged me to prove that hypothesis right.

Here’s a fun fact for Harry Styles fans: if you’re ever curious where Harry Styles penis is at any given time, it’s pressed firmly against his taint. I guarantee you that’s where it is. If you look up at the moon and wonder if Harry is staring at that same moon, right at that moment, he may or may not be, but his penis is definitely all up in his own business. All of his clothes are crazy tight and there is no other way to wear them.

That said, other than being a size too small, this outfit isn’t too bad. I think the ruffled shirt is a little too much unless you’re going to prom, and even then you might get made fun of.

Alright, you need a lot of rock star swag to pull off animal prints. I don’t have any swag. Sometimes I still eat Lucky Charms cereal. For dinner. There is no way someone who includes kids cereal as a staple of their diet can pull off leopard shirts and tight jeans.

To be clear, I have nothing against Harry Styles’s fashion sense. The dude pulls it off (and I definitely don’t). But everything is so restrictive. If Harry Styles ever finds himself in a knife fight, or confronted by a bear, or challenged to a foot race, or even asked to just sit down, he’s basically screwed. These are not clothes for moving around in.

When this picture was being taken, an entire nearby Starbucks was craning their heads to see who was being photographed and styled (HARRY STYLED LOL) just outside. They were very disappointed to find out it was some moron in a weird wig dressed like a middle-schooler. I was disappointed, too.

I’d probably wear this, as long as everything was a size bigger. Also, since we’re comparing, I look much lonelier here. And I couldn’t see where I was walking because my fake hair kept getting in the way. And I was losing the circulation in my legs. This was the last picture of the day, and I was happy to take these clothes off.

Getting my jeans back on opened up a world of possibilities. It was like after you’re done doing squats and you put the weight on the ground and you feel like you could jump higher, except with range of movement.

I have to say, though, I have a lot of respect for Harry for doing this. It takes a lot of determination and focus to dress like that AND look that good, not to mention casual.

I may never be able to pull off Harry Styles’s wardrobe, but I can do things he can’t do, like run in my jeans, and not live in fear of my balls falling asleep every time I sit down.